Tag Archives: live

I delivered Gage by emergency c-section, after he was born they whisked him away because his heart rate and blood pressure were dropping. I guess he has always been a fighter. The doctors briefly held him above the curtain, but I couldn’t see anything; so my first look at Gage was about an hour and a half later after post op in my room. The room was tinky tiny, especially considering I was doubling up, fun. So after all of the commotion of squeezing my bed in, The Hubs went to put his bag in the car, because there was no way we’d both fit in our small space tonight. So Gage and I were alone for like five minutes me in my bed he in his, as I sat staring at him the nurse walked in and I whispered; can I hold him?

This is how the Hubs found us. This is something I had completely forgotten until looking through my pictures the other day. After Gages first port surgery as he lay in post op and I sat staring at him, a nurse came by and I whispered; can I hold him?

When Gage was first diagnosed with leukemia, I had my family bring me clothes to stay in the hospital. Obviously I wanted to be comfortable so I asked for all my yoga pants, no I don’t do yoga; I’m not that bendy. I also asked for all my cute tank tops, makeup, blowdryer, and straightener. I looked totally cute that first week, all done up like I had a yoga class to teach; in La Jolla somewhere. After Gages first horrible port surgery failure, I didn’t give a crap how I looked: and slowly after I while I morphed into the bag lady. I swear to Jeebus I didn’t wear anything with a zipper or buttons the whole month of August and half of September and my yoga pants changed to baggy sweats and vomit stained t-shirts.
This trip to the hospital was again another surprise, but this time I was in town and had to have the Hubs bring me clothes. Noting matches, and I have no socks. Oh and makeup forget about that, but he did brig me my straightener, I can live with just that. But I noticed today on our 638th lap around the halls, that the moms here only for a few days are dresses in jeans, cute tops, and super cute impractical for the hospital type shoes , and I’m rocking baggy sweats, a red fight leukemia t-shirt, a blue sweater type thing the hospital gave me that has a poop stain from Gage but I’m cold so I just roll up that sleeve a little and green hospital hospital socks. Those are the differences between a veteran hospital mom and a novice.

One of the many times Gage puked on me, but the only time the Hubs caught it on film. Oh and yes Gage is looking for a tasty bit of vomit to try and eat.

So in the last 24 hours Gage has slept for maybe 20 of those hours. So why the hell have I been awake for the last two hours?! I’m tired! But the kid in the room next to us has not stopped screaming/crying since about 4:47am. She is autistic, so I’m sure this is hard on her; but please move us to another room. One with a double bed so I don’t have to sleep on this flippin’ pull out for another night also one that’s not so bright. The first few nights are always the worst for me, I’ll adjust; just let me complain for a bit.
So Gagers has pancreatitis, which the doctors are saying was caused by his asparaginase chemo medication, which we have also learned he is allergic to so definitely no more of that med. Poor kid, hasn’t eaten or had anything to drink since Wednesday night, yesterday doesn’t count he couldn’t keep it down. But with the pancreatitis no food or drink for a couple of days to try and get the inflammation down.
We also had an ultrasound done yesterday morning just to make sure nothing else was going on inside his little tummy that shouldn’t be, also to check out his pancreas to see how enflamed it was; and wouldn’t ya know it the damn ultrasound tech got pictures of everything BUT his pancreas. That’s freakin’ irritating because Gageiepoo did not like laying on that damn table, and I sure as hell hated having to hold his ass down. Lord have mercy, this kids gonna give me an ulcer, I swear. So we got most have Gages labs back, most everything was the same except for his lipase levels normal is around 60 and Gage was 280 so very high. I don’t have access to my laptop right now, or I’d have links for you to follow so you wouldn’t have to read this and have no idea what the fuck I was talking about. Sorry!! He also had ketones in his urine, I mean high quantities of ketone; I got him here “just in time” just in time?! Just in time for what?? We are fast discovering all the fucked up added benefits to leukemia and chemo; fun fun.
Jeebus! His machines just started going crazy, I swear I just died for a second, holy shit balls panic attack batman; I can’t breath. Stupid machines just turned off he is FINE, me I need a 1mg Xanax and a shot of Cazadores.
The good news to all of this is Boots drove down, with Baby to visit us yesterday. The bad news was I was so tired and had a headache I was suck ass company and like I said Gage was asleep all day. Sorry Boots, but thank you so much for keeping me company, I love seeing you both!! More good news, since Gage is sick, my family can’t guilt me into doing things. Trust me the women in my family can guilt like no other, my friends. We also can’t keep secrets, so don’t tell me anything you don’t way to read about on here. But anywho their inability to guilt me, has caused them to guilt the Twin into flying down for Christmas!!! Yeah!! I get to see my niece and nephew!!
I will post later on today, if anything changes for Gage!
XOXO

Thank you for reading this blog. You have helped me more then my psychiatrist, two licensed clinical social workers, and an anxiety class put together. Thank you for your prayers, positive thinking and good wishes.You are the best and mean the world to me. Our family loves you more than you will ever know. XOXO

Pictures done by JennBee go check out her awesome website! www.jennbeephotography.wordpress.com