Monthly Archives: March 2011

Congratulations!

Rachel Jacobs, was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma on September 7, 2010 and has been in remission since February 10, 2011! Congratulations Rachel! You are an amazing girl and I am so glad my sister was able to meet you.

They Deserve a Chance…

So one of the many things I remember from the hospital, one that I would like to forget is when we would go down for surgery, ct scans, or ultra sounds the nurses would sit my adult sized ass in a CHILD SIZED WHEEL CHAIR! which totally is not what this post is about, but I just remembered this one time when trying to shimmy my way out I actually got stuck and they had to have someone help me out. Because my ass was not meant to squeeze into a pediatric wheel chair. UGH- embarrassing memories, thanks blog post.

Anywho, the other thing I remember most about those trips in the hospital was I would be in the mini wheel chair, and Gagers would be on my lap waving to everybody we passed. I wouldn’t at look anybody we passed in the eye ever, because I hated their pitying looks it was bad enough hearing the “oh, that’s so sad and poor baby.” Really? You totally think that is appropriate to say when I can hear you? It’s not comforting to me. In fact I want to scream “yes, this is fucking sad. But would you like to know what’s worse? Pediatric cancer research sucks.”

Did you know? The federal government has made only very modest investments in research through the National Cancer Institute (NCI). For every six research dollars per patient with AIDS and every one research dollar per patient with breast cancer, a child with cancer receives only 30 cents. To us, and the families of the 35 children diagnosed with cancer each day, it is clear that much more needs to be done to ensure access to treatment and the opportunity to fully recover.

30 freaking cents, that is all Gage is worth to them. It truly is enough to make me want to march to Capitol Hill and shove this blog down their throats. To make them see pictures of Gage make them look at his face, hear his laugh, show them that he is one amazing kid. Make them love him like I do. I’d tell them to get their heads out of their asses and do something about childhood cancer research funding. Because every baby deserves the chance to grow old.

Ethan Deserves a Chance

Caleb Deserves a Chance

Gage Deserves a Chance

And so do the 12,500 children and adolescents in the U.S. diagnosed with pediatric cancer each year.

Jovita

I did something very indulgent yesterday. I hired somebody off of craigslist to come to my house and clean up Gagers room, because even though we have been in this house for… OMG, three months as of today. The most I had gotten done in there was getting his large furniture put together, clothes and toys were always on the floor. Unpacked boxes, hangers, empty target bags I hide from the Hubs so he doesn’t see how much I actually buy ***target is like mom crack, totally addicting*** and a hospital overnight bag. Just in case. But on the floor it all was, taunting me.

Everyday I would go in Gagers room and then walk right back out again, promising myself and the Hubs that I would clean it tomorrow. Promise. Finally after three months of midnight diaper changes and almost spraining my ankle over all the crap on the floor, I took action and her name is Jovita. She is an angel in a denim jumpsuit and knock off Sketcher Shape ups. It took her two and a half hours and forty dollars but it was more than worth it for me, seriously it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I swear Jovita is just like the miracle worker the rest of my day was totally amazing, my hair looked super shiny, my makeup looked flawless, and I fit into my skinny jeans!

OK, that last part was a total lie. My skinny jeans don’t fit and I don’t see them fitting for a long time. I’d like to blame the girl scouts for that. Them and their stupid cookies…thin mints sandwiched between dark double chocolate chip galato. Yumm-O.

Honestly though, sometimes a person just needs to do what is right for them. Jovita was exactly what I needed. Firstly, because I am super lazy much to the Hubs dismay and secondly, because I finally got to put Gagers new race track carpet on the floor in his room instead of rolled up against a the wall. He totally loves it.

Wordless Wednesday: We Be Rollin’


“We be rollin'”

Leukemia. The New Normal

I haven’t been here in a few days. Sorry. It all just got to be a little over whelming, people have been calling and emailing me, questioning me about what I am writing. Am I sure I want to be putting so much of our lives out their for the world to see?

The answer? Yes, I want to write about it. I want you to know that even though Gage is in remission, I will forever live in fear of relapse. And that even though it has almost been seven months since Gage was diagnosed I still have daily anxiety and at least a couple of times a week I have nightmares. To add to my nightmare Gage has been having nightmares. I rush to his room because his screams are so scary and heartbreaking. I wonder if he remembers like I remember. I hug him and kiss him, and whisper in his ear, that it will all be all right, mommy is here and I love you so much. He always falls back asleep almost instantly, into that peaceful baby sleep, curled up on his belly with his diapered butt sticking up in the air. I usually will stay and pat his back, rub his chubby little cheeks, rub the curls on top of his head. Wishing our lives were normal.