Leukemia. The New Normal

I haven’t been here in a few days. Sorry. It all just got to be a little over whelming, people have been calling and emailing me, questioning me about what I am writing. Am I sure I want to be putting so much of our lives out their for the world to see?

The answer? Yes, I want to write about it. I want you to know that even though Gage is in remission, I will forever live in fear of relapse. And that even though it has almost been seven months since Gage was diagnosed I still have daily anxiety and at least a couple of times a week I have nightmares. To add to my nightmare Gage has been having nightmares. I rush to his room because his screams are so scary and heartbreaking. I wonder if he remembers like I remember. I hug him and kiss him, and whisper in his ear, that it will all be all right, mommy is here and I love you so much. He always falls back asleep almost instantly, into that peaceful baby sleep, curled up on his belly with his diapered butt sticking up in the air. I usually will stay and pat his back, rub his chubby little cheeks, rub the curls on top of his head. Wishing our lives were normal.

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5 responses to “Leukemia. The New Normal

  1. Lisa, your strength is amazing. This venue had allowed so many opportunities for you and a way to educate and give others hope for a brighter tomorrow. I’m confident, through your writing there are so many people that I’m sure can relate and/or find comfort in the daily messages or short stories you share. I know I do… Gage is such and inspiration, fighter and you are truly an ANGEL! ;o)
    love you lots,
    -me (lisa gamez)

  2. Auntie Millie

    I love this picture, by far one of the greatest ones yet!! He’s sleeping so peacefully like everything is as it should be.

    Thank you for posting, I think of Gage so many times throughout my day, even if I don’t get to see you or him as often as I would like to. Your posts are so heartfelt and touching, reminding me of the fight that Gage is up against every single day, he’ll win his battle becuase of your constant love, support and strength! Love you lots!! xoxo

  3. He is so beautiful

  4. I applaud you (and mothers like you..) who are able to talk about the struggles they face and use writing as therapy, as an outlet when life is too much and as a way to reach out and use all of the lovely people in the world as a support network.

    I’m also positive that in years to come, you will look back at this – as will your beautiful boy – and you’ll all be able to see how strong you are. How you made it through this storm, and were able to persevere with grace and dignity – proving that even when life showed you how ugly it could be, you looked it in the eye and kicked it. Hard. Because we all know that what cancer needs is good swift kick. Where the sun don’t shine.

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