screaming

So the last few days have been really hard, Gage is attached at my hip. I knocked him into the wall just now because I didn’t know he followed me into the bathroom. Thanks. He is crying, no correction screaming in his room right now, and I have anxiety because I want to go get him, but I know if he was not sick I’d let him cry it out. I just can’t.

This is the thing that is the hardest for us all to deal with as a family, how do we treat him? Do we give him special treatment? Let him throw tantrums? Ignore the fact he is acting like a ravong lunatic? Thank goodness we don’t go out in public anymore, because the tantrums come every day all day; and I don’t know what I’d do if Gage pulled this shit in public. Probably drop him off at thelocal fire station, in one of those “safe baby zones.”

Our doctors have told us to treat him like any normal seventeen month old. It is kind of hard to do when he gets meds twice a day and then more on the weekend, especially with chemo, spianl punctures, bone marrow samples, blood transfusions the list could go on…

Fuck I can’t take the crying/screaming it’s boardering on sad and God damn annoying. This is why I pick him up, because now he is hiccupping, with little whimpers and sniffles hugging me so close. It is almost worth hearing the screaming just to cuddle like this.