Tag Archives: love

Sleeping Cutie

So in the last 24 hours Gage has slept for maybe 20 of those hours. So why the hell have I been awake for the last two hours?! I’m tired! But the kid in the room next to us has not stopped screaming/crying since about 4:47am. She is autistic, so I’m sure this is hard on her; but please move us to another room. One with a double bed so I don’t have to sleep on this flippin’ pull out for another night also one that’s not so bright. The first few nights are always the worst for me, I’ll adjust; just let me complain for a bit.
So Gagers has pancreatitis, which the doctors are saying was caused by his asparaginase chemo medication, which we have also learned he is allergic to so definitely no more of that med. Poor kid, hasn’t eaten or had anything to drink since Wednesday night, yesterday doesn’t count he couldn’t keep it down. But with the pancreatitis no food or drink for a couple of days to try and get the inflammation down.
We also had an ultrasound done yesterday morning just to make sure nothing else was going on inside his little tummy that shouldn’t be, also to check out his pancreas to see how enflamed it was; and wouldn’t ya know it the damn ultrasound tech got pictures of everything BUT his pancreas. That’s freakin’ irritating because Gageiepoo did not like laying on that damn table, and I sure as hell hated having to hold his ass down. Lord have mercy, this kids gonna give me an ulcer, I swear. So we got most have Gages labs back, most everything was the same except for his lipase levels normal is around 60 and Gage was 280 so very high. I don’t have access to my laptop right now, or I’d have links for you to follow so you wouldn’t have to read this and have no idea what the fuck I was talking about. Sorry!! He also had ketones in his urine, I mean high quantities of ketone; I got him here “just in time” just in time?! Just in time for what?? We are fast discovering all the fucked up added benefits to leukemia and chemo; fun fun.
Jeebus! His machines just started going crazy, I swear I just died for a second, holy shit balls panic attack batman; I can’t breath. Stupid machines just turned off he is FINE, me I need a 1mg Xanax and a shot of Cazadores.
The good news to all of this is Boots drove down, with Baby to visit us yesterday. The bad news was I was so tired and had a headache I was suck ass company and like I said Gage was asleep all day. Sorry Boots, but thank you so much for keeping me company, I love seeing you both!! More good news, since Gage is sick, my family can’t guilt me into doing things. Trust me the women in my family can guilt like no other, my friends. We also can’t keep secrets, so don’t tell me anything you don’t way to read about on here. But anywho their inability to guilt me, has caused them to guilt the Twin into flying down for Christmas!!! Yeah!! I get to see my niece and nephew!!
I will post later on today, if anything changes for Gage!
XOXO

Thank you

Thank you for reading this blog. You have helped me more then my psychiatrist, two licensed clinical social workers, and an anxiety class put together. Thank you for your prayers, positive thinking and good wishes.You are the best and mean the world to me. Our family loves you more than you will ever know. XOXO


Pictures done by JennBee go check out her awesome website! www.jennbeephotography.wordpress.com

Hospital 12-1-10


I call him Pukey Leukie. Poor kid.

Forgotten

How quickly I have forgotten how loud the hospital is, the constant beeping of machines, doors opening and closing, laughing nurses (who the hell has the energy to find anything funny this late?) the Hubs, louder than usual snores, good God man roll over!! And the beds oy! How could I have forgotten about those? Either too hard or too soft but never just right to fall asleep before midnight.
Oh and if you haven’t already guessed, yes we are back in the hospital, for I don’t know how many more days anymore.
I just know this time it seems so much harder to be here. I have never cried in front of the pediatric nurses here(please don’t let there be a post saying I have, because at this moment I’m having a hard time remembering crying on the fourth floor, third floor yes, fourth floor no) but when the doctor told me Gage may have pancreatitis, and that it is a very scary thing and I brought him in at a good time; they are almost certain it is caused by his chemo vincristine. Which is rare but known to happen, all the nurses say Gage doesn’t know how to follow the leukemia handbook and at this point I couldn’t take it. The doctor gave me more information, and told me what would be going on in the next couple of days and left me to google everything he said. All I can say is damn you google with your easy access and cute google home page having to be different daily; you taunt me daily to see your changes. So when one of the nurses asked if I was OK and needed a hug, I said “no, I’m fine” but I promptly went I to our room called the Hubs and begged him to get down to the hospital I needed him, and sat there and cried with Gage on my lap. I never let Gage see me cry, in fact I try not to cry because I’m afraid I won’t stop.
Now add to my list of stuff to listen to I am straining to hear Gage to make sure he doesn’t start dry heaving or puking up bile. Poor baby, it is so sad. He doesn’t cry, or moan and groan he is such a strong, brave little boy and I cannot wait to see what type of man he is going to become.

****sorry for any of the misspellings or grammatical errors, I typed this on my iPhone.***

We’re going going back back to the hospital hospital

Ok so Cali would have sounded better, but since we are already in that state, and we are headed to the hospital I had to work with what I got. Sue me. Yup, Gage woke up super ass early 6:00am and would not go back down, so I bribed him with another bottle of almond milk, which worked for like five minutes, before he was screaming his head off for me to come and get him. Dammit. Ok so we were up for the day, no biggie, we had an appointment at Toyota of Escondido to get maintenance done on my car; a four hour appointment. Shoot me now. Gage intervened though and threw up again, in front of the service guy which had him totally grossed out, and promising two guys to work on my car and he’d have it ready in an hour. Score, Gage can puke all he likes if this is the kind of service we get, next stop DMV!! but anywho, I tried to give Gagers a rice cake maybe get something bland in his tummy, no go; more puke this time dry heaving as I rush to get him over a sink. Nobody should have to clean that shit up. So I called his oncologist, who told us since his ANC was so low this week bring him into the hospital, so here we are. Fun times, I will keep you posted.

Cancer Smancher

Dear Leukemia,

My toddler size 5 foot just called, and he said he’s gonna kick your ass.

XOXO Gage