CER-TEE-FIED

Oh. My. God. I swear I thought I was pregnant. Just writing those words makes me clammy and sweaty, I think I’m gonna puke and not because I am pregnant, thank you baby jeebus! Yes, I know you’re all saying but Momma you’re on a reliable birth control method what happened? How could this be? 0.1% that’s how it could be.

For months, I have been dizzy like crazy and vomitt-y everyday all day. OMG! I could have been one of those women who gave birth on the toilet! ACK! could you imagine? But I bet you all didn’t know I’m a certified Google doctor. So when I typed in all of my symptoms, Google straight said, you maybe pregnant; get a test. After I picked my scared ass up off the floor, I ran to Target and bought the test. Three of them, all NEGATIVE ***cue the singing angels***

…So wait. The good news is I’m not pregnant. Then where the hell did the eleven pounds I have gained since February come from then?! DAMMIT!

I have been an emotional wreck, crying at the drop of a hat. Like waaaaaaay more then usual. At way stupid stuff too, but come on who ate my flaming hot cheetos?! dammit, I was looking forward to eating those while reading Two Kisses For Maddy*, which even if I hadn’t already been an emotional mess, this book pushed me over the edge. I recommend it for anybody who wants to read about true love, that was lost and the power of survival. Matt truly is an inspiration. It was a great book.

TWO KISSES FOR MADDY

Quick ask me a medical question, and  I will get you an answer on Google.**

*Also Matt nor Maddy have a clue who I am. They probably don’t really even care what I think, so obviously I was not compensated in anyway for reading his amazeball book. But Buy it anyway.

** Ask at your own risk 😉

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7 responses to “CER-TEE-FIED

  1. I love you and I didn’t eat your flamming hot cheetos but I will nut punch whoever did.
    It was an awesome book huh? Matt’s awesome like you. 🙂

  2. So did you take all three tests? LOL OK here is my medical question Dr Google… Night sweats, hot flashes, weight gain… and sometimes all I want to eat for dinner is a BAG of Vinegar and Salt patato chips. I know its not menapause* (sp* to lazy to look it up). Trust me I’m 50 but 50 is the new 30 right?

  3. So did you take all three tests? LOL! OK here is my medical question Dr Google… Night sweats, hot flashes, weight gain… and sometimes all I want to eat for dinner is a BAG of Vinegar and Salt patato chips. I know its not menapause* (sp* to lazy to look it up). Trust me I’m 50 but 50 is the new 30 right?

  4. Dr. Lisa, I have a twitch in my right eye. What’s google say about that?

  5. Wow…all your symptons pointed to only one answer. But I’m glad you took the tests and found out you weren’t. One thing at a time, right? You are such a force Lisa. I pray for Gage, you and the hubs and I have two of my co-workers (church-goers) to pray for your family. I wish there was a weapon of mass destruction to kick cancer’s ass though, that’s what I really wish for. Take care and remember…take care of yourself too. ‘-)

  6. OH lord!!! I was in suspense with this one!! I didnt knw matt wrote a book! I use to read the blog but havent in a very long time! I will totally buy the book!!!

  7. whoa! Dr Lisa lol it does have a ring to it 😉

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