Babies, Babies, Babies…

Ick. No, I am not having a baby! Get your mind out of the gutter, but it does seem like everybody I know has baby on the brain, or in the belly to be exact. I guess, maybe, sometime down the road? Maybe we’d have another baby… Oh, God, who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to get away with as few a stretch marks as I did with Gage the first time, because if I have another baby, I’m sure my stomach, thighs and boobs would look like the screen on my G.P.S. mapping system. Not cute. And all of that baby weight I lost six months after Gagers was born? Well, Gage was diagnosed with leukemia, and I gained a fifteen pound food baby. If my kid having a terminal illness wasn’t depressing enough, I now look like I’m about 4.5 months preggo***I’m not***. Talk about adding insult to injury here. Thank you Baby Jeebus, for Spanx. Amen.

I don’t say any of this to hear the, “oh, you’re not fat” or “what are you talking about? you look great!” We all see what we see, when we look in the mirror. The good, the bad, and the chub. But I regress, I do have a point to my story. A lot of people have asked me “if you had another baby, and you could use the cord blood and it would be a 100% guarantee to save Gages life, would you get pregnant?” … WTF? Are you kidding me? Of course, we’d pop another baby out next week if we could. But that stuff doesn’t always work. For some people? yes, but it’s not 100% so we will stick with that we have been doing these last few months, and birth control. They both seem to be working. Keep your fingers crossed.

Also the more I think about it, is it even fair to knowingly bring a baby into this crazy ass shit we are going through right now? In my honest and very humble opinion I can’t see that as being fair. We’d be bringing a baby into a world where we could not focus all of our love and attention on it. Then, we would have half of our attention taken away from Gage, and right now, he needs everything we can give him and a love hogging baby sibling would just get in the way of that.***read sarcasm*** I do very much respect families dealing with a seriously illnesses, especially when more than one child is in the picture. Feeling guilty, about not paying attention to their other “healthy” kids; at least that’s what the other moms at the clinic say to me. One mom I know, was eight months pregnant when her four year old son was diagnose with the same type of leukemia Gage has. That has got to be the the toughest situation. Oy Vey, could you imagine? This shit kills me sometimes.

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