Tag Archives: CT scan

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all the Merriest Christmas!

Kinda Bitter

It happened today. I was finishing up Christmas shopping today, while the Hubs was at the hospital with Gagers, and I hit me, came out of no where and knocked me flat on my ass. I was jealous of all the parents in the store Christmas shopping for their perfectly healthy kids. Kids who haven’t spent the last eighteen days in the hospital, kids who have not had to fight for their lives for the last four and a half months. They haven’t had to watch the devastation on parents faces as they are told their kids have a terminal illness, or see the look that crosses their face when they realize this may be one of the last Christmases they have with their kid, and it’s going to be spent in the hospital. In the last 138 days I have never gotten upset or jealous about healthy kids and healthy families, because I’d not wish this on my worst enemy.
I hate myself, for feeling this way. Really, it’s nobodies fault my kid is sick and theirs are not. Ick, even writing this makes me feel bad.
But on the plus side, we are HOME!!

Free at last, free at last, thank the doctors; I’m free at last!


No moment is guaranteed – live for today. #TDL

Sometime in September 2010.

Take 1,644 annnnnd action!

I am so glad Gage was born in June, mainly because it is almost six months from his birthday to Christmas, and he always gets enough clothes to last those six months and more. I almost never have to buy him stuff, it’s nice. The truly best part of the six months between holidays? ***yes, Gages birthday is a holiday in our family*** The pictures. I have thousands of pictures of Gage, crappy, blurry snapshots on my camera and phone, pictures I’m glad I didn’t delete because I looked fat or my eyes were closed. These are precious memories, I will keep and cherish forever. But as fun as my amateur pictures are, the ones I love, love, love the most are the ones that http://jennbeephotography.wordpress.com takes. Theses pictures are birth announcements, Christmas cards, and birthday invitations. She is such an amazing photographer and a pretty fantastic person too! I’m so grateful to know her and call Besties.

Some out takes from this years Christmas card.

The Nicest Nurses I know

His 19th birthday was yesterday. He is the only adult in the pediatric oncology unit. His chances for survival are better with the kids then the adults, so here he stays with the “babies” but he doesn’t mind, he smiles and waves as we walk by his room for the millionth time; nods his head when he recognizes something in Gagers that makes them part of the same team. The I’m too young to die team, the I’ve been through hell and back, but I’m still here fighting team.
He wanted a lap-top computer for his birthday he knew it was expensive but hoped maybe if it was a combined birthday/Christmas gift his mom could afford to get it for him. Even though he is an adult he is still just a kid who really wants something cool for his birthday, but as his birthday grew near he knew his mom could not afford a new lap-top computer for him, but that was ok because he was going home after 57 days in the hospital and that is a way better birthday present anyway.
Little did he know the nurses who work here are the best nurses anywhere, and had taken up a collection weeks ago to get the only adult oncology patient in the pediatric unit the only thing he asked for on his 19th birthday. A lap-top computer. I love our nurses, they are truly amazing people. They go out of their way to make their patients and their families happy and comfortable.
Happy 19th Birthday Big Guy.

Yuck! What is that smell???

So I have noticed a smell hovering around Gage lately. A nasty, disgusting, OMG what is that? I’m going to vomit kind of smell. I swear I have given him sponge baths while here. But good God, what part of his body is that coming from? He hasn’t pooped in a week, maybe it’s starting to ferment in his body? Seep through his pores maybe? Nope, none of that. It’s his hand with the IV in it. ***bleck, so gross*** When I finally figured out where the stink was coming from, I quickly paged the nurse, wondering what the hell was wrong? Has it turned gan-greeny? Is it going to fall off? Oh Jeebus, an amputee?? Ok, I can deal with that. After our nurse was done laughing her ass off at me, she told me no, his hand was not going to fall off, it’s the tape and sweat and maybe food trapped in there; a weeks worth in fact. Hence the smell. There is no point in changing the dressing now, as Gagers is going into surgery this afternoon. But I guess I now know why people crinkle their noses when we walk by. Yuck, he keeps trying to pet my face with that hand, I can actually taste it if I try to breath through my mouth. ***Ewww.***


Gagers keeping busy, since his surgery will be tomorrow.

Lets Play the Waiting Game

We are waiting. Waiting to be put on the surgery list for anytime this afternoon, we aren’t picky about what time; just please operate today. We are hoping to be able to get a broviac inserted today. I’m kind of grossed out by the thought of the broviac, mainly because it is an IV that constantly hangs our of his body, but also since he wont be able to have a proper bath for like four months, since we have failed to pit a picc line in Gages arm, a broviac is the only option left to us since putting a port back in is out of the question right now.

The San Diego Zoo brought in animals last week, and Gagers loved them! His favorite was this parrot, he liked his bright colors and that the bird could say words! We love the Zoo and that they bring in different animal every couple of weeks, for the kids in the peds unit. It brightens up their otherwise boring days.
We still aren’t sure when we are going home, we just hope it’s before Christmas. I think subconsciously I knew we’d be in the hospital the whole month of December. How else can you explain the fact I had ALL of my Christmas shopping done by the last day in November? I just have to wrap everything, which totally isn’t a lot, especially considering the Hubs and I have decided not to do Christmas gifts for each other.
I’m sorry this post is all over the place today, we don’t have much going on these days; just a waiting game…

Sectet Santas

“Should we do it now?” oh God, do what? I thought, what now? We’d already done a blood test, pulled from his finger; that had hymolized before it got to the lab. What next? “Mom, Dad, Gage can you come out here please?”***yes, the nurses call us mom and dad*** when we came out of our room they gave us this…

Totally better than a finger prick blood draw!! Gagers LOVED it! He loves the bell, he loves the peddles! He loves it all! Thank you so much to Liam and His mom Nancy H. ***I try not to use names, but I’ve never met these people, so I think I’m ok, I hope*** Who thought to brighten up a little boys life, during his hospital stay. They didn’t just bring Gagers a gift they brought us a beautiful picture frame and toys for all the kids staying in peds right now. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! And a huge thanks to the “Scale” family, who happen to be my Besties too, for bringing us the cutest table top tree, and gifts for Gagers and us as well!! But most importantly thank you, for driving down to visit us, and always thinking of us! We love you guys so much and are blessed to know you!!

Guess what?

That’s what chicken butt! Ok on a more serious note Gagers is back in the hospital. Old news, you say? Well we are not still here because of his pancreatitis, we are here because of his Candida; so HA! Candida is a yeast infection in his blood, much better then other locations for yeast infections with cottage cheesy discharge ***shudder, gag*** This is not the first time Gage has dealt with candida, he first got it back in August, they wanted to take the port out then but we convinced the docs to give us time; which they did and we cleared his system of the candida. So we thought.
We weren’t so lucky this time the candida is back and we have no more time, they are removing the port on Tuesday December 7 at about 12:00pm pacific standard time. So please if you have a moment at that time tomorrow please stop and say a prayer, send Gagers positive thoughts and your love he will need it. Our oncologists want to leave the port out, and place a PICC line in his arm. It also means we may be in the hospital for a couple of weeks, on fact we it’s a strong possibility we will be here for Christmas. We hope not but if we have to have one Christmas in the hospital in order to have so many more at home with Gage we can accept that.
This morning one of the docs on staff attempted to put the PICC line in. Unfortunately Gage had tinky tiny veins that “float” so it was unsuccessful. Which means that they will have to try again during surgery tomorrow. They will make it an Iv in his arm then they will “thread” ***shudder. Gag*** the PICV line through his arm ***thud, I just passed out*** Gagers also had his first CT scan today, and he did crazy, awesome good on that; slept the whole time. Who cares if he was doped up on benadryl and fentanyl? Don’t judge.

That’s Gagers going into the CT machine, he looked so tiny. He also looked like he wasn’t breathing, ***he was totally fine, I swear*** but it did cause me to have quick flash backs of “that night.” Thank goodness our shift nurse, who I love was with us she was very reassuring, pointing to his chest which was rising and falling in steady rhythm. Kid is gonna kill me, I swear.