Male oncology nurse: Does he have cream on his back? Me: ….  Him: Does he have cream on his back? Me: Wait, what? He passed? HimYup, his counts were 1,100 MEShutthefuckup, oh my God. We didn’t think he was going to pass, because he had a cold last week, and we’re all sick at home, and his counts dropped like 20 points in so many hours. He passed? Are you sure?- At this point my voice cracked and the male nurse asked if I was OK.

Honestly I wasn’t sure if I was Ok. I wasn’t really sure how I felt. Of course I was so freaking excited obviously because Gage finally “passed” from delayed intensification to maintenance but scared because holy hell, MAINTENANCE! we have waited nine long months for this. Three months longer then most, because of all the complications. Also because, we are kind of in the chemotherapy home stretch. What if the cancer comes back? We now have more freedom to go places, because maintenance generally means higher counts. How do I go from never taking him anywhere to suddenly start taking places again? I mean there are germs everywhere. EVERYWHERE. ***note to self ask for higher quantity of Xanax, and stock up on hand sanitizer wipes***

So he passed and Gage had to get a lumbar puncture, where his amazing doctor inject chemotherapy medication directly into his spinal fluid and test the fluid for any leukemia cells that should definitely not be there. It is such a stressful time, Gage hates to be held down. Hates it. In the past we have had to have three nurses and myself hold him down, and that was with benadryl and fentanyl. Let me tell you, not fun. At all.

This time it was different though, this time he didn’t try to fight us holding him. He did cry a little, but I sang him songs, traced his eyebrows and nose with my finger and gave him what felt like a million kisses. Telling him that he is such a strong brave boy, a fighter who I couldn’t be prouder of and that I loved him more than words can ever express.


For the next two and a half years Gage will be on a cocktail of chemotherapy drugs, he will get vincristine injected into his port, which hopefully he will get put back in within the next two months. This kid needs a bath, he hasn’t had a “real” one since December 2010, he misses it and sponge baths just don’t cut it. He needs to soak. Then every three months he will get a lumbar puncture to make sure the leukemia stays gone.

He is on the road to recovery people. It is long and so very scary and dangerous. But he is making it. He is surviving.

18 responses to “S.T.F.U.

  1. Congratulations!!!! That is amazing news. I’m so beyond excited for you and Gage. HUGS TO ALL!

  2. Congratulations to Gage and Mama for making it to “Maintenance” stage. I completely know how that feels. I hope he is okay from his LP. I didn’t know they would actually do an LP with a child awake, esp at Gage’s age, wow. Here at our hospital, everytime there is LP, they put him down with anesthesia. Was it an option for you guys to choose to stay awake?

    I’m so excited for you guys 🙂 Just 2.5 more years! Whoo-hoo!

  3. WTG!!! OMG!!! Huge HUGE HUGS!!! like get over
    Here so we can hug you guys!!! Can’t wait for Logan to wake
    Up so I can tell him!!!!We Love you all!!! I so could here your voice saying
    STFU to them!!! 😉

  4. Yes! Yes! YES!!!!!! Congratulations mama! We are overjoyed for you!


  6. Hurray !!! Love and prayers for you all !
    Good job Gage!

  7. Auntie Millie

    We knew he would do it… all on Gage’s time. I am sooooo happy… sitting here crying … tears of joy of course!! I love you all soooo much… now.. where are we gonna go? xoxo

  8. yaaaaay! gage this is awesome! totally new you would pass, you were just keeping us on our toes! cant wait to spend this summer with you! i love you cutie pie! see you in a month!

  9. I do a little happy dance. I’m sure your did a summersault into happy happy joy joy. Then pinched yourself.

    LOVE! Gage and you are always in my healing thoughts.

  10. That’s awesome! YAY!

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  12. Freaking Fabulous! Loved getting that text at work, let me tell you! Love you all so much!

  13. This is the best news! Im so happy for you guys!!! I’m crying, I can’t help it, I’m just so happy 🙂 I can’t wait to see you guys 🙂 hopefully soon! Congrats! And give gage a kiss for me ❤

  14. Truely your family is an inspiration… so very very happy for you guys… hope we still get to read touching and most of the time, hilarious blogs… Love Teara & Family

  15. Taya, Trason, Tiffani

    We love you Gagers! So happy to hear you are in maintenance and on your way to destroying this stupid cancer. Two and half and we can celebrate your strength and incredible journey at Disney World!

  16. You are such a great mom – I admire how strong you are being for Gage.
    It sounds like he is doing great! Congratulations on the Maintenance phase!
    Stay strong 🙂


  17. You inspire me… Way to go Gage!!!!!

  18. Yyaaaaayyyyy!!!! I’m so happy for you!!

    Go Team Gage!!

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