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“… and she loved a boy very, very much– even more than she loved herself.” ― Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree
I’ve tried to write about it before now, before its been almost a year, before the nightmare started all over again. When we were once again, carefree. When we worried less and laughed more. It’s just, the words don’t come as easily as they used to. The tears do though. I’m hoping with the dam broken, the words will come with it.
Gage, my baby boy, my big boy, my sunshine…
You have taught me more then you will ever know, you are the greatest gift I have ever been given and I am thankful for you everyday. Happy birthday to my little fighter mommy and daddy love you…
Somewhere, in some tiny little town Jesus just appeared on a fish stick because I’m writing a blog post people! The first in like FOUR months. I know, that’s a long time to go between posts. It’s enough time to gain 15lbs, cut and color my hair, have said hair grow out an inch and a half, showing off heinous roots. ***note to self, call Tia*** Swear off pork and red meat, but still eat lumpia and menudo. The kind with cow stomach not the band with Ricky Martin. It totally doesn’t count either when it’s food you can’t live without. Most importantly it’s enough time for Gage to have ZERO leukemia related scares!
Except for that one time his B-cells were like 400 points below where they should be forcing him to need an immunoglobulin transfusion. Momma was relying’ heavily on Xanax and crossed fingers his counts would miraculously sky rocket back to where they needed to be. They didn’t. Bastard, B-cells. So transfuse we did. It was the first time Gage had been accessed* for longer then 20 minutes since getting his port back in last June.
Everything went smoothly, except the nurse didn’t insert the needle in the correct spot, so we had to re-access Gage, then blood wasn’t coming out. But a clot did. Great. Oh, and the EMLA didn’t work, so Gage felt every needle poke. All. Three. Of them. Needless to say he is now terrified of getting accessed. Finally time for I.V.I.G and it was so easy. In the end it brought up his counts over 1,500 points. Totally worth it. I hope we don’t have to do this anytime again soon.
After I.V.I.G. we went down to X-ray to see if maybe there was a kink or crack in the tubing of his port because apparently, that shit can happen. Great. Good news though, no crack. Just a small kink in the tubing because it goes around his clavicle which totally explains why if you make Gage look up and right the blood flows like a severed artery. Now just to find more reasons to make him look up and to the right. Fun times.
So as you can see only minor set backs, considering what Gage went through last year. I’ll take it.
*the kid in the YouTube video is NOT Gage.
For the last few years every Sunday I get up and the first thing I do is read http://www.postsecret.com I always find a secret I can relate to, in some small way. This Sunday was the first time I saw a secret and thought, did I send in my secret? Holy crap, I could have made this post card! (I didn’t, I don’t have the time; but I could have.)
On this day last year I was blissfully ignorant. I didn’t know that in less then 24 hours we would begin the battle for Gages life. That in a little more then a week I would be watching doctors rush around, trying to keep him alive. I watched nurses and surgeons race him down to sugery not knowing of he would come back alive or not.
I spent all day today remembering our last “normal” wondering of I knew what I know now would I have changed how we spent the day? I can honestly answer, no, I’d do everything the same way. We went to a BBQ at our friends house, Gage road on a longboard with daddy for the first time, played with our friends new puppy Peddles we had an amazing day.
I also remember I complained about Gage waking up every two hours at night and how moody and whiney he has become in the last few weeks. He seemed to be crying for no reason, I could not figure it out what was wrong.
Little did I know, the waking up every two hours, the moodiness, the crying and most importantly the bruising I attributed to a clumsy toddler learning to walk were all signs pointing to acute lymphoblastic leukemia.
After dwelling on August 1, 2010 all day today I can honestly say, we had a perfect day and I would not have changed it for the world.